kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
