omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
