so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
