Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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