Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
