My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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