I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
