did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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