My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
