You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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