I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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