3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
