I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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