I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
