Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
