Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
