Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize