Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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