also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
