Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
