the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize