Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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