Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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