He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
