she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
