That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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