hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
