Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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