hell yes lets make some ravioli
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
