i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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