There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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