Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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