i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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