You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
