I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
