I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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