I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
