fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
