You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
