I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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