I didn't shave. On purpose
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
