Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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