I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
