Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
