I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
