I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
