At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
