So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
