So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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