I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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