It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
