I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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