I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
