What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
