Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
