speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
