wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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