I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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