So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize