You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize