wake up i wanna do it froggy style
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
