so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
