Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
