I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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