okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize