So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
