I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
