she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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