this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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