woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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