The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you still have your period?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
