We should be called the Road Head Warriors
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
