did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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