I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
