I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize