I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
