Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize