he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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