i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
