Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
