You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
