As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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