She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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