Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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