gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
