A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
