Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think I sprained my soul last night
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
