Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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