do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize