only if we run a train.
done.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
