don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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