Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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