I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
