it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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