I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
